Not Roy

My name is Krista Jae-Elrena Hiatt.

My maiden name was Roy. I am still pretty proud of that name and very happy that I wore it so proudly for so long, but it seems strange that I was ever once Krista Roy. Because now I am so very much Krista Hiatt. I used to wonder about that with my mom—did she ever really get used to being Roy and not Norton? Or was Norton always accidentally slipping off her tongue onto her signature lines? How long would it take me to get used to not Roy? I could only ever picture myself as Roy. But now I know. It isn't hard to be not Roy because I get to be Hiatt instead.  

The Good News

It usually happened that after a night like that, I would wake up with a jolt, laughing at how foolish either of us had been and squirming because it had probably been uncomfortable. Talking with boys about the status of our relationship was never pleasant, primarily because it always ended with me trying, without success, to ensure them there was a reason it wasn't going to work and also because it usually meant a broken heart or a lost friendship or wasted time.

Not this morning though. I woke up and my head stayed on my pillow. My thoughts caught up with my consciousness and my memory arrived shortly thereafter. I smiled to myself and giggled a little, then laid for awhile and remembered what happened and what it meant. Then I rolled over to see Elise getting out of bed to get ready for work.

"Hey Piss." She pulled her pants up and started busying herself with her belt while I got out from under my green monkey comforter and sat on the edge of the bed, my feet dangling.

"Hey Lise."

She looked at me. "How was it?" She stepped in front of the closet to find a shirt, and I tucked my legs up on the bed to sit cross-legged.

"Lise. I'm dating Billy Hiatt."

She didn't jolt either. She turned her head to look at me, but she stayed facing the closet. "Oh really? How did that happen?"

That was a good question. It certainly had never happened that easily before. I hopped off the bed and started telling her about how different it was, how logical he made it seem and how I didn't even hesitate. I told her he got a ticket on the way back but that he was still happy and calm and seemed to have thought about it a great deal. I told her that I felt fine about it and I reminded her that I was getting a mission call in two weeks. And I told her again that I was dating Billy Hiatt.

She laughed and walked out to the kitchen to put her standard bowl of oatmeal in the microwave. "I know Kris! What are you gonna do?"

Again, a good question. But I had no idea. The good news was, I was dating Billy Hiatt.

UNFINISHED ENTRY: First Halloween

I had only seen one kid, dressed up as spiderman, walking between his parents on my run. It seemed I wouldn't miss too many of the trick-or-treaters becuase I decided to go for a run in the late evening. And how could I!? Me and Billy actually had a door on a house in a neighborhood where there were little kids that would definitely come knocking, and we had a heaping bowl of candy just waiting for them to walk the crumbly concrete sidewalk up to our yellow house on the corner.

I ran up 450 North, passing Roman Gardens where Billy used to live and turning onto 1100. I dodged the root of the old stump growing next to the chain link fence, and ran the winding corner. I passed the brown house with blue shutters and crossed the street at the intersection of our house. After running past the dying lawn, I sprinted the last 50 feet to the doorstep and

Comfortable. And blessings.

After he hung up the phone, I asked him what he wanted to do. We were just getting back into Pleasant Grove after a milestone trip to Colorado, and even though he obviously wanted to go help Rob, the trip over the Rockies and back seemed to have magnetized us to each other.

"I want to go to the hospital if we make it in time. We can stop by the house first and see if my parents are still there. I'm sure you can come with us." He turned onto the exit for Pleasant Grove Blvd. and we took the meandering roads to his house.

"So the baby has jaundice?" I asked it comfortably, sincerely concerned for his family more than I had been three days ago.

"Seems like it. I'm hoping my dad will still be home so we can catch them before they leave."

We nearly collided with his mom and dad as they were walking out the door, his dad suited up for the situation and his mom comfortable with a pale orange sweater hanging on her thin shoulders. They hugged Billy and welcomed us home. Despite the threatening health concern of Sarah's baby for which they were preparing, they couldn't stop smiling at us.

"So you gonna come with us?" Billy's dad seemed to always ask questions like that, comfortably, evenly. Seems the best word to describe his actions was comfortable. "Krista can come along and sit with mom in the lobby."

Billy said he wanted to come and they told us they would meet us at the Cafe Rio parking lot in American Fork so we could drive to the hospital together. I waited for Billy to put on his suit, feeling a little self-conscious about my casual travel clothes.

"You'll be ok," Billy said, grabbing my hand as we walked out the door. "I'm sure Sarah doesn't want anyone in that room besides me and Dad anyway."

He was right. At the hospital we took the elevator up to the fourth floor because Billy's dad hadn't been feeling good enough that week for stairs--our arrival and subsequent rush to the hospital had left us no time to hear about the blessing from Grandpa Hiatt or how Billy's dad was feeling now, but it didn't seem to matter. He was serving now, he the one giving the blessing. Again, comfortable. And so they left us in the lobby to wait.

I looked around. I looked up. I looked down. I looked at the light-up structure adorning the hospital lobby, from red to blue to green then back to red again. Then finally I looked at his mom.

"So you guys had fun in Colorado?" She asked it merrily, a huge smile spreading across her face. Huge, I thought, at the time. I just hadn't seen her other smiles then.

You have no idea, I thought. Or maybe you do. You are smiling really big. "It was so fun! There was a big fire that started on the mountains, so a lot of our plans got cancelled, but we still had such a good time."

"I heard about that fire! I was wondering if it was near you..." the conversation carried on. Colorado. Parents. Billy. Rob. The family fast. The completion blessing.

"Well, see, he got run over by a tractor when he was younger. He received a blessing from his dad then, and Grandpa Hiatt thought maybe giving him a blessing now would complete the healing process." She crossed her legs and looked at me, the smile still there. But smaller.

"Billy said something like that. So, is the tractor incident the reason why he had the heart attack in the first place?" Comfortable was leaving. I was not sure if this was a casual conversation topic acceptable to have while waiting for the blessing in the next room to end.

"The doctor we just recently started visiting has traced part of it back to that. And I go to school for another part of it, the emotional side," she wasn't done talking. But I started watching her while she did.

The pale orange rim of her glasses matched her light freckles matched her well-set hair matched her sweater matched her aura of rosy confidence and comfortableness. Her dimples bounced in and out of her cheeks with every syllable. She twirled her fingers around while elaborating on this part of "the process" and how it related to the Atonement and how everyone needed to do it. She smiled and spoke clearly and trilled her r's when there weren't even any in the word she was saying. She was merry. She was comfortable. Not until Colorado did I know for sure, but she was to be my mother-in-law.

I don't know if I had the right response. I tried to be enthusiastic. I certainly wanted to be able to bond with her. My mother-in-law. The lady who birthed Billy. The mother of the family who would adopt me. Orange. And comfortable.

Frequent Blogging: Round Two Introduction

Someday his belly will stick out, like his dad's, and the hair covering his forehead will recede back to the crown of his head--but only near the temples, not the tuft in front. Like his dad's. My bangs will start to gray like my mom's, and the skin under my bright blue eyes will sag to the top of my cheek bones. He'll lose some muscle mass and I won't be able to run as far, but I'll still make him breakfast and he'll still prune the bushes outside.

And we'll still love each other. Like crazy. Probably even crazier.

I wonder what we'll tell our kids about these days. About the little duplex south of campus with the rose bushes in front and our charitable duplex neighbor whose dad also died last year. Our toilet that wouldn't stop running and the eerie crawl space in the four foot hallway. Our kids won't even be able to imagine it until we drive past, pointing--"There's our first house! And that's the apartment complex where Dad told me he loved me. And that wall--Dad built it! It's where I told him I was going on a mission. Yep, and we'd run down these streets every morning before school."

What if we forget? Surely details seem more memorable when they're connected with falling in love and being in love and making love and working for love. Still...memories fade, but I want these ones preserved forever. So that, you know, the little boat in the backyard isn't the only proof of when Dad wooed Mom or next thing you know we're complete empty nesters except for that little Free Bird and none of our little chicklets have any idea of what happened before them.

So here it is. If you're my mom, may your heart be warmed at the stories of the humble boy who came and swept your fourth off her feet; if I'm your mom, take these stories as examples when looking for the right one; if you're a far-future descendant--be grateful. You've got a rich history and I bothered to write it down.

And so, from stage right--enter e-Billy-ence!

UNFINISHED ENTRY: Comforting Billy

I was laying in bed thinking, just like he had done the day before. Today he was out moving snow, and I was in moving things around in my head.

Then the snow was all moved and he came back, not singing along with me like usual, not talking real loud or pinching my bum. Just pouring the cereal then saying the prayer then chewing and swallowing.

"You seem sad. You ok?" I put my arm around him, but he didn't look at me. He stared at the leftover milk in his bowl.

"Just thinking about my dad. Cus of that dream I had about your dad yesterday. In the dream, when your mom told us he really died, I started crying and crying as hard as I did when my dad died. It just made me think."

I slipped my hand in between his, looking at his profile. What else could I do? Touch and listen and wait, it always worked before and I knew it would work again.

"It just made me think about my dad on the mountain